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[03 Jul 2008|12:13am]

I know it's past father's day, but this is the poem I wrote in a card to my father describing to him how I feel he feels towards me...

 I'm sorry I'm not perfect
and all I do is wrong
but daddy, please forgive me
I just want to belong

I'm sorry I'm not flawless
and always make you mad
I'm sorry I'm not that perfect girl
and all I do is bad

Daddy, I'm sorry I'm not pretty
and I'm really not that smart
but daddy, say you love me
and mend my broken heart

I'm sorry if you hate me
I hate me everyday
but daddy, please forgive me
have a happy Father's Day 
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whistling sexy (july 2, 2008) [03 Jul 2008|09:38am]


so whistling is sexy
dire ocean, dire sea
calmly careening
island by island
beach by beach
so whistling is sexy ...
when you do

so words unspoken are true
like the wind, like the sand
underneath our almost bound feet
struggling for thoughts
that the body give away
so easily, so enchantingly
words almost uttered
but then again they were never heard
yet so true, its so true

so the tree, so the rock
he climbed, he trudged
funny, clumsily, and uncanny
like me lying half naked
and you whistling sexy ...
at me
under the scorching march sun
friends, rocks and the boat men
all gone, all done
just you and i
left behind ...

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[31 Jan 2008|10:36pm]

floating in the air
watching the trees go by
lay down, once again, in thin air
i try, but never tend to succeed
a lover in this life is all i need

i feel lonesome, oh so lonesome
without you, i could be nothing
but i definitely feel something

a heartache in disguise
a foolish kiss to make me mezmorized

tramatized, begotten of love
wishing from me to you, to the stars above

this world is full of such chaotic mess
it makes me delightfully cherry the stars to success

in ending, am i loved or rotten
my love for you has wanted to be begotten

spotted, i lay down a last time
watching love make this hate crime rhyme with a valentine

will i be in a utopia, or is this me dreaming?
this love is a mess, and i guess this is me reading it
it is valued, like such a treasure
watch me and my love measure up to a full cup of love
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[04 Jun 2007|08:46am]

[ mood | numb ]

the rain

its going to rain and it will wash away all my feelings
i will go blank
i wont feel thesunshine
there be no warmth on my cheeks
all feeling is gone

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renaissance (march 16, 2003) [27 Feb 2007|10:32am]



the moon glistening above like an emerald eye
flooding the sky with stars passing by
haven’t you noticed this new life i am living?
haven’t you noticed this new day i am starting?

the clouds colliding in the heavenly blanket of the night
leaving traces of the sunset lost in the twilight
haven’t you seen me so happy than before?
haven’t you seen me so alive once more

but youre not here when i ended everything
just the moon and the sky silently watching
chiding me with their endless comfort
when youre supposed to be my life support

now the wind is blowing with jubilant heeding
the skyline shifting in a dance of constellations emerging
i bet you haven’t noticed this new life i am living
i bet you haven’t noticed that i have stopped loving … you


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Never Have I Fallen [22 Feb 2007|09:39am]

[ mood | artistic ]

Never Have I Fallen

Your lips speak soft sweetness
Your touch a cool caress
I am lost in your magic
My heart beats within your chest

I think of you each morning
And dream of you each night
I think of your arms being around me
And cannot express my delight

Never have I fallen
But I am quickly on my way
You hold a heart in your hands
That has never before been given away
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the coming of age (february 20, 2007) [21 Feb 2007|10:18am]


the will to be forcible
for you to see me against tides
of unwanted imagery
against unexplained comedy
of you here lying motionless
touching the skin at my back

the risks already undertaken
from the moment you smelled my hair
till your arms playfully linger on my bare hip
then in unison
looking thru the frosty window
listening to the rain pouring madly at the roof
whispering carelessly to remember
long forgotten memories taken in innocence together

the bliss left under the sheets
with you holding me closely
against your bare chest
overpowering me with your able shoulders
trapped endlessly
wanting blissfully
to be here forever
without turning back
to our lives lived in secrecy


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back then (fucking son of a gun) (october 13, 2001) [19 Feb 2007|02:41pm]



back then
back then
when the world was fine
you came, you conquered
you fucking son of a gun
and my world crumbled, dissolved, and rumbled
with this feeling of love, lore and misinformation

back then
back then
i was alone and i was fine
the sky was all mine
and there was never any shades of blue
but then you came, you conquered
you fucking son of a gun
and the sky faltered, stammered, and trembled
with this feeling so remarkable, so cruel, and so beautiful
you are so beautiful

back then
back then
i never thought of this till then
i never felt like this till then
back then
back then
like im falling in love with you again
back then


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for everything (January 21, 2002) [16 Feb 2007|01:54pm]



oh thank you so much
for being so uninspiring
for bridging life and ending
so close to my threshold
like your heart is my falling scaffold

oh thank you so much
for being so uninviting
like you never did anything
but an endless time of luring…
to bait me
so slowly
to need you
when im not supposed to

oh thank you so much
for love and its wonders
for life and its marvels
to long for you
when im not meant to
and to be meant for you
when im not supposed to

thank you so much
for love above anything
for time in the end of endings
for life in the moment of everything
for everything, for everything, for everything…


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i know a place (october 14, 2001) [15 Feb 2007|02:28pm]



i know a place
where the sun is a mess
and the skies are delightfully gray
and sirens paint the day
i know this place
where the world is fine
where the seas are impossibly blue
where ive always belonged to you…

but you don’t, but you don’t

i know a scene
from a long forgotten dream
when you smiled so enchantingly
and i laughed non-cynically
i know this scene
long before ive stopped to dream
long before ive stopped to believe
that youll never ever leave…

and you did, and you did

i know that place long before today
when your memory starts to fade
and the tears started to dissipate
for i have entirely forgotten you…

but i don’t, but i don’t
and you did, and you did

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arms of a stranger (february 10, 2002) [14 Feb 2007|08:46am]



here in the arms of a stranger
in the heart of common ground
were hate is never love
and love never hates
nothing of that sort exists
but only this moment in times absence

here in the absence of time
theres a lingering sight of perfection
pleading for this feeling to eventually fall
like raindrops falling from the sky
waiting to hit the ground finally

here in the realms of the present
were yesterday steps in
and tomorrow walks away
i feel home like coldness around
i feel love like hate in a distant sound

its all here in the arms of tonight
its all here in the arms of a stranger
were eternity exists between his eyes and mine
and it pleads to cease the existence of time
here in the arms of a stranger
here in the arms of tonight


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spark of lunacy (january 28, 2002) [13 Feb 2007|10:52am]



breath with me
the air of recklessness
when you sat beside me
when you brushed by my heart accidentally

laugh hard with me
the smile of such healthy treachery
of you pertaining to be intimate to me
of love being sprung so effortlessly

breath and laugh
you and me
breath and laugh with this sudden opportunity
breath and laugh
this spark of lunacy
just breath and laugh
with this flicker of spontaneity

sleep tight with me
watch me close my eyes fervently
and pray with me hard enough o let this be

drown constantly with me
in this engagement between constant adversaries
of enemies being politely so meant to be
of fate so perfectly orchestrating this story

sleep and drown
you and me
sleep and drown in this sea of frenzy
sleep and drown
in the abyss of infinite fancy
sleep and drown
in this spark of lunacy
all for you
and all for me


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of love and not love (january 21, 2002) [12 Feb 2007|11:10am]



swooning under the carpet
of love and not love
of emotions and none emotions
crashing under the rug of desire
or faltering under the feet of denial

fumbling all over
your heart so full of carelessness
of stepping out or being stepped at
of being conscious or being ridiculous
of love and the so-called love
of you yesterday and of you now
i wonder whom did i loved the most somehow

between love and hatred
of being impassioned or angered
i wonder how did i ever made it
in times and in places
between right and wrong
i swoon underneath the mat
of love and not love
of being in love and being in love with you


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interlude IX [09 Feb 2007|12:12pm]



wondering ... wondering
if you are
as sincere as cheating
as gallant as whining
as kind as lying
as valiant as hiding

wondering ... wondering
if love is
as furious as hatred
as scarlet as death
as fervent as bluntness
as plain as everyday



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a new sense [05 Feb 2007|09:12am]



a new sense of feeling
a new sense of missing
from impulse to this fleeting feeling
of excitement
of estrangement
to you finally
to you eventually


a new sense of relief
a new sense of flight
from careless air
to blissful winds
shared together from freshness
to slumber
dreaming of you and i


a new sense of feeling
a new sense of being
i had with you
so suddenly
so impulsively
from you
from you all along
now i’m never gonna be on my own



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i said goodbye [02 Feb 2007|12:30pm]



moving forth
secretly hurting
deep inside
youve let me down
"have the ships been long gone?"

no looking back
just breathing ahead
have you let my hands go?
i cant feel your heart anymore

i am lost
this world is too big without you
ill drown
my heart will succumb
stay for a while
i cant say goodbye

facing ahead
tears against the wind
tomorrows too blinding
all things sinking
away from me
can you stay for a while
until i can say goodbye?


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jadie [31 Jan 2007|01:22pm]



jadie i called your name
you were the light and you were sane
you were courageous yet so naive
and so i left you as you leave

jadie who told you not to say good-bye
i know i was there but at least i tried
and i know back then you used to try
but now jadie please try to justify

jadie you were the witness
you were cursed but so damn blessed
i'm insane, i'm numb and deceitful
oh why did you ever find me so beautiful

jadie save yourself cause i will miss you
as heaven and earth feeds upon the truth
i'll be here waiting till you change your mind
jadie, if you ever change your mind

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[28 Jan 2007|05:13pm]

In his eyes
I see my face
I see the pain
and I relate
I hear his words
they seem like magic
with such strong meaning
trials so tragic
the way he speaks
those words of beauty
his charm, it burns
a hole right through me
Im getting chills
as i hear his struggles
i fall inlove
with all his troubles
i feel his pain
I see it from his smile
his heart releases
my inner child
and this i wonder
does he feel me too
can he feel my pain
the way i do
Im hurting from the lack of help
i give to him
and to myself
i want to concur all his fears
wipe away
those acid tears
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you [26 Jan 2007|09:37am]



in my stomach
endlessly fluttering
i dont know i can feel such thing
with you and your constant invitation
to cascade towards earthly communion

bursting in the scene
im not aware of this foreign feeling
bouncing off every walls imaginable
i never knew life could be this conceivable

singing while im sleeping
laughing while im screaming
dancing while im spinning
i cant escape it
need to be in this constant state

narcotically impossible to achieve
this mindset so high i cant hardly believe
if this is true
if this is you


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in personae [25 Jan 2007|08:12am]


in personae i can be
a seamless person apart from me
filling the shoes of somebody
i have ought to live prematurely

in personae i see deception
meeting ends against misconception
breaking laws altogether
just so we can be together

in personae i feel
i steal
glimpse of the sweet future
i walk
i talk
endlessly unbound from reality
in personae i am me
no matter how immature
no matter how unlikely
in personae i am free

in personae i feel endlessly
the fuel for life to be dealt easily
i tap its majestic longings
to meet my sudden misgivings

in personae
in personae

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